It is Sunday July 29, 2012 and I graduated six months ago. Talk about leaving this to the 11th hour. I start work on Monday (tomorrow) and this has been one major to-do on my list; not for lack of starting (many times) my summary and farewell for my year abroad.
I had a dream this morning that I was speaking to my IE classmates at a graduation-like ceremony. But it was like the movie Groundhog Day, the ceremony and our speeches kept repeating and like Bill Murray, I was the only one that knew we were waking up and replaying the same events. After so many times, I finally broke from my speech and started ad-libbing. In the middle of my from-the-heart-freestyle I woke up. To some extent I think I gave myself some of the words or permission to finally write my final blog entry for “MBA in Spain.”
As I said I've started this several times and it's been difficult. I wanted my final blog to be one that summed up my entire experience(!): a comprehensive, self-reflective and honest one. Reading some of my blogs affirms the many great times, celebrations, break-out moments, lessons learned, amazing sites and incredible adventures that I completed but I don’t think it really reflects how much I struggled and how painful it was too. Part of the reason why I wanted to go to business school in Spain was to get myself out of a rut and get back on track. I love being happy. And I wasn’t for way too long. I have always felt like I had a spark in me and I thought for a couple years prior to going to Spain, that it wasn’t there. Spain was a double means to an end – I’d get the MBA I wanted and through the excitement, challenge and adventure, I’d get that spark back too.
Isn’t there a John Lennon quote “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (I just looked it up, so yes, that’s what it is.) Well what the f!! I believe you’re dealt the cards in life that are for you. I think my biggest take-away was humility, that LAST thing I thought I needed. How ironic.
After I returned to Madrid from my internship I moved into a new apartment and there was a church on my walk to school. Many days if I got there after 8 am I’d go in sit down or kneel and pray to God. Sometimes it was every day of the week. It was important for me to remember at the very least to be thankful for this life, so I came up what became my regular reminder prayer of thanks: “thank you for air in my lungs, a heart that beats and this brain in my head.”
It’s been six months since I graduated and there have been no shortages of prayer (and sometimes begging) God for guidance, help or just to stop the train wreck that I’ve sometimes felt like. I think a big reason why I didn’t finish any of the previous attempts to wrap up my blog was thinking I couldn’t end it honestly, optimistically and especially with the thanks and gratitude for the bumps in the road and for my truly blessed life.
Classic Erin - this reminds me (of a story) of my friend “Yudy,” I met Yudy the very first time I (caved) and went to Starbucks in Madrid September 2010. She worked there and she was all smiles, a happy morning person and we had lots of fun fumbling through speaking Spanish together at 6:30 / 7 am. After I moved to a different apartment I went there less frequently and my visits stopped while I was in New York but once I returned in September 2011, Yudy was different, she was happy to see me but she wasn’t the same sunshine Yudy. My language skills weren’t good enough to understand exactly about what was happening with her mother and her daughter, but something was not going well in her family. After four months, it was December and one of the last times I was there Yudy was still melancholy. I fumbled through and attempted to translate my constant prayer for her: “Cuando no hay muchas cosas para era gracias; recuerdo tengo aire en mi cuerpo, una corazon trabajando y este cabeza.” It's HUMBLING to admit that's what I came up with; more direct translation: "when there are not many things to be thanks, I remember I have air in my body, a heart working and this head." She said it was beautiful.
[I have a photo with Yudy and I that I’m tracking down among the many many photos from the year! that I will post]
I have said often to my friends that when things don't go exactly the way you planned or hoped they would go, that "it'll all make sense one day, not today, but one day" a lot of the time "...and we'll be laughing at this!" is added in there. I am so glad I went to Spain because it was one of the most amazing, eye-opening and challenging years. I might be too close to it to fully digest its brilliant impact on me but I do recognize what an incredible experience and opportunity it was.
Thank you especially to my loving and often patient family, to my friends new and old, and to God; for the constant beauty that you give, your love and your consistent reminders to participate.
I had a dream this morning that I was speaking to my IE classmates at a graduation-like ceremony. But it was like the movie Groundhog Day, the ceremony and our speeches kept repeating and like Bill Murray, I was the only one that knew we were waking up and replaying the same events. After so many times, I finally broke from my speech and started ad-libbing. In the middle of my from-the-heart-freestyle I woke up. To some extent I think I gave myself some of the words or permission to finally write my final blog entry for “MBA in Spain.”
As I said I've started this several times and it's been difficult. I wanted my final blog to be one that summed up my entire experience(!): a comprehensive, self-reflective and honest one. Reading some of my blogs affirms the many great times, celebrations, break-out moments, lessons learned, amazing sites and incredible adventures that I completed but I don’t think it really reflects how much I struggled and how painful it was too. Part of the reason why I wanted to go to business school in Spain was to get myself out of a rut and get back on track. I love being happy. And I wasn’t for way too long. I have always felt like I had a spark in me and I thought for a couple years prior to going to Spain, that it wasn’t there. Spain was a double means to an end – I’d get the MBA I wanted and through the excitement, challenge and adventure, I’d get that spark back too.
Isn’t there a John Lennon quote “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (I just looked it up, so yes, that’s what it is.) Well what the f!! I believe you’re dealt the cards in life that are for you. I think my biggest take-away was humility, that LAST thing I thought I needed. How ironic.
After I returned to Madrid from my internship I moved into a new apartment and there was a church on my walk to school. Many days if I got there after 8 am I’d go in sit down or kneel and pray to God. Sometimes it was every day of the week. It was important for me to remember at the very least to be thankful for this life, so I came up what became my regular reminder prayer of thanks: “thank you for air in my lungs, a heart that beats and this brain in my head.”
It’s been six months since I graduated and there have been no shortages of prayer (and sometimes begging) God for guidance, help or just to stop the train wreck that I’ve sometimes felt like. I think a big reason why I didn’t finish any of the previous attempts to wrap up my blog was thinking I couldn’t end it honestly, optimistically and especially with the thanks and gratitude for the bumps in the road and for my truly blessed life.
Classic Erin - this reminds me (of a story) of my friend “Yudy,” I met Yudy the very first time I (caved) and went to Starbucks in Madrid September 2010. She worked there and she was all smiles, a happy morning person and we had lots of fun fumbling through speaking Spanish together at 6:30 / 7 am. After I moved to a different apartment I went there less frequently and my visits stopped while I was in New York but once I returned in September 2011, Yudy was different, she was happy to see me but she wasn’t the same sunshine Yudy. My language skills weren’t good enough to understand exactly about what was happening with her mother and her daughter, but something was not going well in her family. After four months, it was December and one of the last times I was there Yudy was still melancholy. I fumbled through and attempted to translate my constant prayer for her: “Cuando no hay muchas cosas para era gracias; recuerdo tengo aire en mi cuerpo, una corazon trabajando y este cabeza.” It's HUMBLING to admit that's what I came up with; more direct translation: "when there are not many things to be thanks, I remember I have air in my body, a heart working and this head." She said it was beautiful.
[I have a photo with Yudy and I that I’m tracking down among the many many photos from the year! that I will post]
I have said often to my friends that when things don't go exactly the way you planned or hoped they would go, that "it'll all make sense one day, not today, but one day" a lot of the time "...and we'll be laughing at this!" is added in there. I am so glad I went to Spain because it was one of the most amazing, eye-opening and challenging years. I might be too close to it to fully digest its brilliant impact on me but I do recognize what an incredible experience and opportunity it was.
Thank you especially to my loving and often patient family, to my friends new and old, and to God; for the constant beauty that you give, your love and your consistent reminders to participate.
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