My Grandma, Vivian Byer

If it was a come look and see this! or what have you done! I can remember exactly what my Grandpa calling for my Grandma in their home in Illinois sounds like: “Viiiiiv!”

Vivian Byer, my Grandma Byer, passed away today in Granite City, Illinois. She had been living with alzheimer's for about the last eight-ish years. My immediate family spent Thanksgiving in Granite City just last month and for that I am thankful but sad that I was not able to join.

In my lifetime, “Grandma Byer” was my grandma (wayyyyy out there in Illinois) that would do our hair in ponytails and buns, give me (anyone) the tightest, warmest hugs that nearly broke your ribs and make us homemade playdough in any color we wanted. When I first visited them in Illinois, she got us a tea table that sat in their sitting room in the corner so Carolyn and I could play. Grandma made us firefly catchers out of hangers and netting which she sewed herself. And every (humid) summer night in Illinois, to the sounds of cicadas, when it started to get dark and the first blink of the tail of a firefly glowed, we'd race outside and run from flash to flash trying to catch them.

She was my sewing Grandma and had a fabulous basement full of scraps, ribbons, buttons and drawers just waiting for my sister and I to get into, to sew (anything and everything) together. Over the course of the time spent down there in the basement, she’d have to restring the sewing machine more times than I’m sure was convenient or even fathomable. Last I saw, the heart pillow that Carolyn and I made when we were 10-ish was in their room on their bed. She was best known in our family for her fried chicken, fried bluegill and mashed potatoes. I LOVE fried bluegill!

When they’d come to California to visit, they were our biggest cheerleaders at our volleyball games, football games or races; whatever we had going on, they were there and always beaming with pride. When we moved into our house, my grandma asked what color room we wanted, my sister and I were sharing, I picked pink, Carolyn picked purple. So we painted our room with pink walls and purple trim and she found and made us pink and purple curtains to match that I can still remember. I remember when my parents were remodeling our home, my grandparents came out and stayed with us and everyday they’d work on the home, electrical, cabinets, vanities or sweeping, whatever needed to be done. They were not sit still kind of people! When we moved back in, they came again to help us and I remember my grandma was wanting something to do. My mom said there were piles (and piles and piles) of laundry and that woman went to work! I can remember the mountain of folded clothes in my room on beds, dressers and the floor, everyone’s clothes were everywhere perfectly stacked now.

My grandparents are the most humble, kind, put-others-before-themselves kind of people. I wasn’t very old and I remember being surprised when I found out that a personalized license plate costs money, I knew they had one but they just didn't seem like the kind of people that would spend money on something like that (I would have thought). But BYER 22 is still on the Chrysler (or Pontiac?! shoot!) in their driveway on Pontoon Road. 1922 was the year “Tom & Viv” were born.

One of my favorite stories about my grandma was a story from when my grandparents were first “dating.” After they met, they started going steady and my grandpa would walk miles to the town where my grandma lived to visit her. In the mid 1940’s my grandpa was in the military and he was deployed and while he was away they wrote letters, which arrived and looked like swiss cheese. They had been censored and had words cut out of them! I learned about that in history class! I don’t remember how long it was before he returned, I don’t even know if it was six or more months, as my grandpa would tell (I think still with a little attitude), when he finally returned home, he walked that long distance to her house to tell her he was back and when he got there, she was on another date with another boy, I think at a bowling alley. Her parents told him that and he walked (either to the bowling alley but I believe back home). Shortly thereafter, he put his foot down (!) and they got married January 12, 1946. They welcomed Jimmy (my dad) and Mary, just the two of them for awhile, then Alice Anne, Tom and Chris.

From 101215

January 12, 1946
Illinois

In July 2006 we celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary in a hall that was packed full of family and friends from all over. The last time I saw my grandma and grandpa was in Illinois in 2008, at my sister’s graduation. When we were at the house one of those evenings I was sitting at the kitchen table with my grandpa asking him about different events in his life, my grandma joined us, then my dad, and eventually the entire family was sitting at the table or on counters in the kitchen listening, laughing, crying and filling parts in over all these different events.

My dad asked his mom to tell a particular story from his childhood, and she started. She said when my dad was in elementary school she would always time his pick-up from school following one of her programs. She didn’t know that one day it had aired an hour later and when she realized she was an hour late, she raced over to the school and there was James, by himself, sitting and crying. Even at that table, 55+ years later she was starting to get emotional about it. “Bless her heart,” a phrase that I heard most from my grandparents.

And bless her heart today. She’s 100% up there in heaven, no longer lost in the scary place of an ugly disease but finally able to hug her daughter Alice Anne and so many others and take a front row seat as she cheers us all on!! You’ll be the center of my prayers this year grandma, we’ve got to get through Quant!

From Drop Box

For Vivian and for Tom, who loves her.